"Diamond... Diamond, Shinin'... Shinin' oooh girl, you SO fine!"
You see the gems, right here, hawney?! ... These gems right here, are bologna! No, not made outta meat you silly vegan freak... bologna as in bluff diamonds of the riches!!! You can easily take your ensembles from trashy to classy for only $3-$3.50! ... if you're a fella, you could totally put that "sparkle" in your gals eye! ... And for those of y'all with Man Hands, take the focus off 'um with some BLANG for BUCKS!!!
Don't you dare forget to keep on your A-Game, ladies! Keep them falsies painted in high-intense colors that double as Black Light Friendly! Yup... when the lights go out you'll still be lit up under fluorescent lighting! GROOVY!!! One for $3.50 or Two for $5 in store at the LAB!!!
Hey! We didn't forget about yall creepy stalker types! ;) Always wanted to confess your devotion to that one special female... but never built up the nerve?! Snag her a Diamond Bling Keychain Ring that'll keep your pocket full & your hands for $4.50! Write her a love letter with whatever sick fantasy you my have conceived with our Shot Syringe Pens (Blue or Yellow) at $1.80 & perhaps that old mix tape you've had for her since high school?!
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